(I work in a Coffee Shop. I was on break in the lobby when a couple walks in. Directly behind them is a cute little boy in Batman costume.)
Me: “Oh my God! It’s BATMAN!”
(The boy stops, strikes a pose and starts looking around menacingly. After a few seconds, he approaches the counter.)
Mother: “Jeff, would you like a chocolate milk?”
Boy: “I am not Jeff. I am The Batman.”
Mother: “The Batman, would you like a chocolate milk?”
Boy: “Yes. Yes, The Batman would.”
(The couple pays while the boy sits down with his chocolate milk. He keeps a stern look on his face as he sips the drink.)
Boy: *sips* “Gotham is safe.”
sirseahorse: stabsinthe: if gatsby wrote a letter to nick it would be addressed to “old sport” because i firmly believe gatsby doesnt know nicks name #it’s at that awkward phase where it’s too late to ask him
okaydoke: if you should be studying and you know it clap your hands
bon-bon: The older I get the more I realise there are no grown ups and nobody knows what the fuck they’re doing.
penice: alegbra: penice: penice: my wifi adapter is being so shitty i’m gonna kill myself i’m a ghost now is that a bedsheet on your head no i’m a ghost
lvysaur: sluttyoliveoil: lvysaur: lvysaur: when i say peeka you say boo peeka chu shut the fuck up
leonmcgann: this one time in primary school we were doing a play and the teacher asked who wanted to be a flower and i put my hand up as a joke but then i actually got the role ‘flower’, i feel like this is what happened when robert pattinson got his role in twilight
rebeccacrane: you know what’s cool when you’re so used to a certain person’s voice that you can imagine them saying anything even if the person has never said that before
bakasuke-prince: superblys: uranianumbra: ...
Kyubey: ／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼ r u ready to make a contract
Madoka: Bitch I might be
m4kara: the-communist-manifesto: You ever have those days when you look at people in your class and you just i think this is the best gif representation i’ve seen yet wow
that-stupid-tardis-sound: when i was in 7th grade, i had a science teacher who would give really easy tests. i would finish them in 10 minutes, then spend the rest of the period drawing ninjas all over the paper. i always told him to circle all 200 in red pen, and he did. one day, i decided to fuck him over by only drawing 199. when i got the test back, he’d written “you devil-spawn” on the...
pirouette-off-the-fucking-handle: karkat-van-buren: a-kid-from-your-school: Did you know on average the human body needs 8 positive touches a day to survive? This includes: hand shakes, a hand on the shoulder, a hug, a kiss. etc. So you people saying, people that are depressed are just upset because they don’t get attention, in a way, you’re right, when your body lacks positive touches it...
you guys i opened a door to let the dogs out and a fucking spider ran across my foot inside and then i was screaming and my mom dropped a plastic bowl on it to not let it run away and then it fUCKING GAVE BIRTH ON THE FLOOR IN THE BOWL AND THEN WE WERE BOTH SCREAMING WHAT DO I DO ITS STILL IN THE BOWL AND ITS JUST HAVING MORE BABIES FUCK IT DROPPED MORE BABIES MY DADS LIKE GASSING...
sexhaver: boredlord: What do teens like?!? Is it memes? Memes about skeletons? Piss? Communism? this post is 20x funnier if you imagine a CEO shouting it at his board of directors
gaydevoir: im dropping out of school to work at a maid cafe
jacklullaby: jacklullaby: unfollower: men should take advantage of the lack of dress code rules set for guys and wear mini skirts and tank tops to school every day OH MY GOD LAST YEAR THE DUDES ON MY CLASS HAVE DONE IT AND THEY GOT ALL CALLED IN THE PRINCIPAL’S ROOM BUT THEY DIDNT GOT IN TROUBLE BECAUSE THEY SAID EXACTLY IT “BUT THOSE RULES ARE ONLY FOR GIRLS” I’M NOT EVEN JOKING
vougehoren: ‘whats shipping’
wizardsandhijack: hospitalf0rsouls: Omfg so if Mary had baby Jesus, and baby Jesus was the Lamb of God… did Mary have a little lamb? you broke the world
ive-been-triggered-by-kankri: catswithbenefits: catswithbenefits: can someone please photoshop psy’s head on a psyduck for me never mind i got it has psyence gone too far
psychoticmist: if you ever feel bad about yourself remember that george bush was once informed that 4 brazilian people were killed in iraq and he responded ‘how many is a brazilian’